


Stars

by diannelamerc



Category: Doctor Who (2005), Torchwood
Genre: Challenge Response, Character Study, Gen, Introspection, Season/Series 01, Season/Series 02, Tarot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-01-29
Updated: 2007-01-29
Packaged: 2017-10-09 18:49:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,070
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/90426
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/diannelamerc/pseuds/diannelamerc
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>She shines. Alone in the darkness.</p><p>Once there were many. Now just her.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Stars

**Author's Note:**

> Challenge: This was written for [dwliterotica](http://community.livejournal.com/dwliterotica/)'s January 2007 New Year Tarot Challenge. My card was XVII: The Star.   
> Spoilers: All of 9, 10's first season, and the first ep of Torchwood  
> Thanks to [Lizbet](http://archiveofourown.org/users/lizbetann/pseuds/lizbetann) for betaing!

_She shines. Alone in the darkness._

_Once there were many. Now just her._

*********

**The Star**  


> _Dignified (Upright): [Fresh hope and renewal. Healing of old wounds.](http://www.paranormality.com/tarot_star.shtml) [The Star is a card that looks to the future. It does not predict any immediate or powerful change, but it does predict hope and healing.... And, most importantly, that unexpected help will be coming, with water to quench the Querent's thirst, with a guiding light to the future.](http://www.aeclectic.net/basics/star.shtml) [When considering a new relationship or enterprise The Star is an excellent omen.](http://www.free-tarot-reading.net/meanings/major_arcanum/17.php)_

It shouldn't have made any difference.

Sure he'd always been fond of the little apes. Ridiculously fond, it could be argued — and it had been.

But ultimately even he had to admit, as endlessly fascinating as they could be, they were just one little species in the grand scope of the universe. Nothing next to what had been lost. Destroyed.

Timeless masters of that essential force, holding the entire universe together in more dimensions than a little human girl like this could ever comprehend.

Gone.

There could be no substitute for that, pale or otherwise.

Yet the moment she turned, running to him with the joy of complete incomprehension — in that moment the stars began to shine and beckon once again.

*********

_It brings in its own light — tiny, flickering. Gone in the mis-timed blink of a human eye. But still so very much there. And she can feel it. A spark set to tinder. The slightest glow that is the start of both the candle flame and the supernova._

*********

**The Star**  


> _Ill-Dignified: [Reversed the Star represents the loss of all hope, a pessimistic attitude, or succumbing to depression.](http://www.intuitivetarot.com/star.html) [Unfulfilled hopes, disappointment, dreams are crushed, bad luck, imbalance.](http://www.themysticeye.com/info/tarotcardm.htm) [Expectations disappointed or fulfilled in a minor degree.](http://www.sacred-texts.com/tarot/mathers/mtar03.htm) [Conclusion of an unsatisfactory business experience or friendship.](http://www.bewitchingways.com/tarot/major/star.htm)_

He felt the blast.

He'd wondered, in the instant before, if he'd even have time for that.

But he felt it: The bright spot of unbelievable pain striking his chest sliding razor edged along every nerve into an indescribable burst of—

Nothing.

But nothing never lasts, he's learned over the years since. With barely an awareness of the gasping transition the pain is back and he's sliding down the other side of the slope, feeling it become bearable. Then copeable.

Then numb.

After the first time, always numb.

The first time, he'd felt alive. A surge of hope, of energy, of miracles and possibilities—

All crushed to dust under the inexplicable grinding sound of utter abandonment.

That was when alive turned to not dead.

He's lost count of the times he's woken up not dead since then. And every time he wonders if he'll ever be alive again.

*********

_She remembers. With so much gone, she holds on to every precious bit that is left._

_Everywhere, everywhen. Never losing track of the thread, the link, the way back/forward/across. A heartbeat she feels the pulse of no matter how many times it falters._

_Because now is not forever — far from it. And she will not forget._

*********

**The Star**  


> _The Star is one of those cards everyone loves. In every deck, it is usually the most beautiful. It suggests the peace and harmony of its meaning. There is nothing negative about this card, but I think there is a trick to it. Whatever hope, healing, future it offers, the reader must remember that it might not be immediate. ...its vision is for tomorrow, not today. That's not to say that it offers no concrete benefits; it is a card the predicts unexpected help, but that help is only the first step. The star only reveals the future. It is up to the Querent to find his way to that future. — [Aeclectic Tarot](http://www.aeclectic.net/basics/star.shtml)_

She hated him.

She could afford to. He would never know.

Looking up into the night sky, cold salt breeze whipping callously through her hair. She wondered if his star still shone in this place.

Not that it mattered. She would never know.

She wondered if it made her some kind of monster to wish she could once more look up at the night sky and know it was gone forever.

Once she'd stared up at the few stars visible in the night sky of her childhood and wondered. Later, she'd walked among countless stars and reveled in them.

Now she knew those countless numbers to be multiplied by an infinity of universes. And she cursed them.

Enough choices, chances, possibilities she'd bet it even made his head spin. And yet none for—

 

Infinite meant infinite.

Suddenly every possibility lay carved out of the stars at her feet.

> _"Can't you come through properly?"  
> "The whole thing would fracture. Two Universes would collapse."_

So, there was no way to move between universes.

Or travel through time and space. Or survive a Dalek blast to the chest. Or absorb the Time Vortex and live.

> _"You think you're so impressive."_

So, fine: He can't come save her this time.

Since when has she become so dependent on being saved rather than saving?

> _"Have a fantastic life."_

She's going to do just that.

The grin of determination on her face rivals anything shining above her.

*********

_This heartbeat she couldn't trace. _

_An ember become a flame become a bonfire, banked to a flame again—_

_Then put out._

_The trace of a life through time and space that stopped. _

_A fire extinguished so quickly it left a vacuum behind it. A gasp of space without air._

_Gone in the mis-timed blink of a human eye. But still so very much gone. And she can't feel it._

_Memory cradles for her many things that no longer exist at all. What exists she can track, for as long as it lasts._

_But this jagged break between the two—_

_—becomes a mere gap?_

_A tiny spark flutters at the edge of her awareness and she follows it._

*********

**XVII — The Star — Inanna**  


> _Innana, the great goddess of the Bronze Age, was honored with the title "Queen of Heaven". She was said to be clothed with the stars, wearing the zodiac itself wrapped around her waist as an ornate, light-studded girdle. In Sumeria, where she was worshiped five thousand years ago, Inanna's temple was called "Eanna," which means "house of heaven".  
> ...  
> There are great possibilities of success with the appearance of this card. All is well with the world; your highest hopes are supported by the universe. — [The Goddess Tarot](http://www.artandwords.com/goddesses/gt/read.html)_

~~~~~~~~~

**Author's Note:**

> _Originally posted in [my LiveJournal](http://diannelamerc.livejournal.com/200700.html)._


End file.
